"Show Me That You Love Me" (from the 3-day poetry expression challenge; thanks to Mai Sankofa Spann-Wilson)
--
There will be a day
when my body says,
"No more,"
When what was self-inflicted,
internalized,
suppressed,
demands a voice at last
beyond the discomfort of diseased skin,
beyond the mental haze and emotional swings of sugar aftermath,
beyond the unintended passive aggressiveness
that breaks my heart soon as the words escape my lips,
making me mute beyond apology,
masking bridled, smothered, smoldering rage.
I have only started to name you, feelings:
This one Sadness;
This one Loneliness;
This one Grief;
This one Disappointment;
This one Confusion;
This one Discouragement;
This one Anger--
Thinking them ugly and unwanted,
I have hidden them away,
hungry, unheard--
This one Hope...?
Yes, I suppose, some days I have hope.
It is fleeting, most times,
But sometimes I can go a whole poem really feeling it,
Hope.
Yes sometimes, I can almost hold it,
Hope.
I once had a simple poster,
unframed, pinned to my bedroom wall:
God's hands lifting
all of the living world
from a seemingly calm, yet perhaps threatening sea;
Sometimes I could look into that image
and see me.
Sometimes I am rescued,
Sometimes rescuer,
Seeking a landing place for this vibrant chunk of dripping earth,
Someplace of refuge,
Someplace of safety,
Someplace where the waters of my emotions run free,
and my body doesn't have to hold it anymore,
and thanks me.
--CBF 8/14/15
